I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
