yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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