she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
