Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
