he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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