She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
PANTIES FOUND
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