i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
