I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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