so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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