can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
