I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
