Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
