I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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