Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
