Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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