come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You have to summon your inner elephant
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
