but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
