**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
