People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
