Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ruined the universe
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize