Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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