Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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