yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
