wat bout pragnant strippers??
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
