dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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