Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
