oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
