never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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