I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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