u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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