glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize