I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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