That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
