Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
