I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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