I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
