Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
