he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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