Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
