I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
