My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
