I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
