all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
be right there i have to get my cape
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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