I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
