While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
