Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can I color on your dick again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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