I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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