Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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