So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
