onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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