I wanna passion pit in your ass
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's blow job season.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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