There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
