Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
