Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
