Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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