last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
