Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Randomize
