I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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