no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
