I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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