I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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