he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
