Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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