We're facebook friends in real life
how can u be prego again
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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