you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
